Corporate Facts

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Programmer to Team Leader :

"We can't do this proposed project.**CAN NOT**. It will involve a majordesign change and no one in our team knows the design of this legacysystem. And above that, nobody in our company knows the language in whichthisapplication has been written. So even if somebody wants to work on it,they can't. If you ask my personal opinion, the company should never takethese type of projects.

"Team Leader to Project Manager :"

This project will involve a design change. Currently, we don't have anystaff who has experience in this type of work. Also, the language isunfamiliar to us, so we will have to arrange for some training if we takethis project. In my personal opinion, we are not ready to take on aproject of this nature.


"Project Manager to 1st Level Manager :"

This project involves a design change in the system and we don't havemuch experience in that area. Also, not many people in our company areappropriately trained for it. In my personal opinion, we might be able todo the project but we would need more time than usual to complete it.


"1st Level Manager to Senior Level Manager :"

This project involves design re-engineering. We have some people who haveworked in this area and others who know the implementation language. Sothey can train other people. In my personal opinion we should take thisproject, but with caution.


"Senior Level Manager to CEO :"

This project will demonstrate to the industry our capabilities inremodelling the design of a complete legacy system. We have all thenecessary skills and people to execute this project successfully. Somepeople have already given in house training in this area to other staffmembers. In my personal opinion, we should not let this project slip by usunder any circumstances.


"CEO to Client :"

This is the type of project in which our company specializes. We haveexecuted many projects of the same nature for many large clients. Trust mewhen I say that we are the most competent firm in the industry for doingthis kind of work. It is my personal opinion that we can execute thisproject successfully and well within the given time frame."


Wonderful definitions of designations at office:

1) Project Manager is a Person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in One month.
2) Developer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a Baby.
3) Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.
4) Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.
5) Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.
6) Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; they'll produce a child with zero resources.
7) Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months.
8) Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with the PROCESS to produce a baby.
9) Tester is a person who always tells his wife that this is not the Right baby.
10) HR is a person who thinks that a donkey can deliver a human baby if given 9 months






APPRAISAL STORY

Appraisal ke naam par ek lambi aah bharte hain,
chaliye ab hum is "dukhad" kahani ki shuruat karte hain,
hamehsa ki tarah 10 baje thumakte hue office aya,
11 baje tak nashta kiya aur barah baje tak mail hi padh paya,
hamesha ki tarah aaj bhi mujhe alas aa raha tha,
aur mera PM mujhe tirchi nigaho se dekh-dekh gussa raha tha,
main bade concentration ke sath ek "Careful" mail padh raha tha,
tabhi dekha mere PM ke naam ka new mail kone main blink kar raha tha,
is mail ki amad se itna ghabara raha tha,
ki CLTR + F4 ki jagah shift + F5 daba rah tha,
phir koi trainig attend karni hogi, ye kya bakwas hai,
kya reply maim likh dun ki mere mailbox ka upwas hai ?
maine aankhen band ki aur 10 bar "om" "om" bola,
aur pranam karte hue maine wo mail khola,
PM ke is mail main ek ajeeb sa sukoon aur bholapan hai,
likha hai bhaiyon appraisal letters aa gaye,ab to one-to-one hai,
mujhe lag rah tha vb ke environment pe unix ka code likh diya ho kisi ne,
dil aise dhadak raha tha jaise baar baar dil pe double click kiya ho kisi ne,
man main aise bure bure khayal aa rahe the,
upar se kuch log mere "de-appraisal" ki gandi affvah uda rahe the,
appraisal aise aya jaise India main Michael Jackson aya ho,
jaise Indian football team ne ,Manchester United ko haraya ho,
PM ko letter late dekh har koi use dekhta jata hai,
jaise mallika ke kisi naye gane ko dekha jata hai,
akhir wo waqt aya,
PM ne ek ek kar sabko ander bulaya,
jo bhi ander jata hansta hua jata,
jo bahar ata , murjhaya hua ata,
jo bhi ander jata, sabko dekhte hue jata,
jaise hi bahar ata , sabse mooh chupata,
bahar aa kar insaan sambhal bhi nahi pata hai,
ki "kitna hua kitna mila" har koi uspe toot jata hai,
aisa lagta hai wo romm nahi "time machine" ho jo sabke ander leti ho,
aur "good time" se utha kar "bad time" main lakar chod deti ho,
kisi ko appraisal main 2000 rupaye mile the, main uski hansi uda raha tha,
tabhi maine dekha mera PM ishare se mujhe inder bula raha tha,
main confidence se utha aur age kadam badhaya,
tabhi meri belt ka buckle toot ke nikal aya,
meri halat to abhi se hi buri ho gayi,
sala izzat utarna to yahi se shuru ho gayi,
main ander pahuncha aur PM ne mujhe bithaya,
usne mera letter padha aur wo hansi rok na paya,
wo hansne laga aur hansta hi chala gaya,
use yaron hansi ka thaska a gaya,
wo itna hansa ki use ansu aa gaye,
mere appraisal digits use itne bha gaye,
jaise hi usne appraisal letter meri taraf badhaya,
meri ankhon ke age ghanghor andhera chaya,
mujhe laga jaise meri dil ki deewar ko kisi ne gobar se pota hai,
are yaar "bees rupaye" ? ye bhi koi increment hota hai ?
ye software indusrty hai akhada nahi hai,

ye "SALARY INCREMENT" hai , Dadar ane-jane ka bhada nahi hai,
meri charon taraf kali ghata chayi,
tabhi mere PM ki soothing awaz ayi,
tum soch rahe hoge ke companuy mgmt ka dimag phir gaya hai,
par beta hum kya karen , dollar ka bhav 2 rupaye jo gir gaya hai ,
par phir bhi mujhe lagta hai, ye letter fake hai,
mujhe to lagta hai ye printing mistake hai,
tum HR main jao,
aur ye confirm karke ao,
bhai HR main jane ke liye taiyyar hona padta hai,
wahi to aisi jagah hai jahan sunder ladkiyon se pala padta hai,
shitt!! jahan "Ronak" baith ti hai, aaj whan baitha "Aftab"hai,
main samajh gaya beta, aaj apna badluck hi kharab hai,
usne mera letter khola,
aur khush ho ke bola,
wo bola sir aap ke liye khushkhabri hai,
aap ke letter ne "Printing mistake" pakdi hai,
maine kaha boss ab der na lagayen ,
aur mujhe mera actual amount batayen,
sorry sir ye mistake just by accident hai,
bees rupaye nahi , do rupaye aap ka increment hai,
main kya karun aap ko ye bataate hue mera dil ro raha hai,
par kya karen dollar ka bhav bhi to kam ho raha hai,
main bas wahan khada tha ,kuch samajh nahi aa raha tha,
mujhse zyada increment to security wala pa raha tah,
maine khud ko sambhala, khud ko uthaya ,
main lauta aur seedhe PM ke pass aya,
main seedha uske cabin gaya aur darwaza khola,
is se pehle ki wo bole, main hi us se bola,
sir ye paise wapis le lijiye, baat karna fizool hai,
main gareeb hun, par bheekh nahi leta ye mera usool hai,
doston ek ant main ek shayari --
"appraisal aisa laddu hai ,jise khane ka har kisi ka khwab hota hai,
par ek bar koi ise kha le , to bada bhayankar julaab hota hai,"